Severus Snape and the bird
by Mykerinos
Summary: Severus Snape is being chasedchases a fluffy, yellow bird with huge, blue eyes... That's all I'm going to tell. Just go and read it.


Severus Snape felt satisfied when the Gryffindors and Slytherins left his dungeons. This lesson he had taken another 13 points from Gryffindor, and 10 given to his own house. During the lesson he also thought up a new potion, and now he went outside to collect some ingredients. He set off towards the lake, but suddenly his eye caught something odd. It was a print in the ground, and it had the shape of a... Severus thought deeply, but couldn't put his finger on it. He walked a little bit closer and stared at it.

Suddenly, something fluffy landed on his head, and immediately Severus knew what the print was from; a bird. Severus shook his head, and a small little bird fell on the ground. It was a yellow with big, cute, blue eyes. Severus automatically loathed it.

"Yuk!" he exclaimed while rubbing his hair. "A lice infected creature touched me!"

He gave the bird a glare of utter loathing and pointed at it. "You devilish creature! Now I will have to disinfect it!"

The bird just stared at him. The fickle creature turned his head a little to one side than the other, not understanding. Severus started to turn around but the bird started to squeak hysterically. Disturbed, Severus looked back to the bird. It abruptly stopped making noise. The small animal raised his head, and stared at Severus.

"What do you want from me?!" Severus yelled at the animal. It looked up to the tree.

"Oh, you want back into the tree again, huh?" he grinned, and with a simple wave of his wand he threw the bird up, into the tree where Severus couldn't see him. Severus began to walk back to the castle again but he heard the same shrill calling of the bird. Extremely irritated he turned back and saw the bird lying on the ground.

"What is wrong with you?!" Severus yelled, losing his patience. "Can't you just fly?!"

The bird gave a sad, little noise.

"Ah, so you can't fly?" Severus smirked sarcastically. "Well then, LEARN IT!"

For the third time, he turned to begin his walk back to the castle and for third time he had to look back because of the clamorous bird. It looked up again, to the tree.

"Just one more time…" Severus murmured as he lifted the bird into the tree. He stood there a few seconds just to make sure the bird wasn't going to jump again, and then carefully, still looking to the tree, took a step backward. When nothing happened, he took another step, and another. When he had taken 10 steps, he quickly turned around and wanted to run back to the castle. But the squeaking stopped him.

Severus groaned. Sulky, he walked to the tree and saw the bird lying on the ground. An idea popped into the Potions master's head. "Alright damned bird, I'll make you fly… with magic. Your wings are just too small and weak for your giant head."

He waved his wand, and the wings of the bird were replaced by giant ones. The bird immediately started to move but quickly fell to the ground.

"Maybe this was a little bit too big…" Severus said, rubbing his head. He grabbed his wand again, and now the wings seemed to have a good size. Severus sighed, as the bird raised itself into the air.

He turned around to head for the castle. But as soon as he did so; the noise started again. Angrily, still having his wand in his hand, Severus turned back to the small creature. His fury at the bird dripped off his face. In his fury, he put the tree on fire. The bird saw it, and started to cry.

"Oh, shut up you stupid bird! I'm getting tired of you! It's just a tree!"

The bird flew up to a branch that rested high in the tree. The yellow animal flew in frantic circles around. Severus strained to hear the sound of several birds screeching.

"Oh... And now you want me to save them, don't you?"

Severus sighed. "Why on earth does she make me do this?? She knows I have a phobia about water... Never brush my teeth, never wash my hair..." he said while he tried to put out the fire. When the fire was extinguished, Severus walked to the tree and got the soaking nest out of it. The bird happily flew around Severus, not stopping his squeaking.

"Get lost!" he ordered. But the bird didn't. While Severus desperately walked back the castle, the bird followed him. It kept circling around his head. Students stared at their Professor in horror but didn't dare laugh. The Potions Master gave each of the pupils a grimacing glare.

"TWENTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" Severus yelled at Collins, who tried to take a photograph of his teacher.

Severus was just beginning to think things could have been worse, when the fluffy ball of feathers bounced to his hair. Severus started to scream hysterically. He yelled every curse he could at that damned bird.

Several students poked their heads out of nearby classroom doors, wondering who was screaming that loud. Severus screamed for at least a minute before he realized he was screaming and drawing a considerable amount of attention to himself. For a moment he thought that his screaming scared off the bird. Abruptly, he shut up when the bird flew over his head again. He furiously grabbed his wand and went after the bird, determined to take revenge.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR TOUCHING MY HAIR, YOU – FOUL BEAST!" he shouted, and ran as fast as he could, shooting laser beams to the poor bird. It was frightened to death. Severus chased the bird to the Great Hall and shot a spell to make its wings tiny again. Unfortunately, the bird dodged the spell. Minerva McGonagall was just enjoying her lunch when she was hit by the nasty spell. Her arms shrank to the size of pencils, and she looked up to see who did it, ready to deduct at least a hundred points.

"YOU!" she yelled, trying to point at Severus, but failed, because her arms were too short.

"I'm sorry," Severus said, doing a very hard job not to burst out in a laugh. McGonagall tried to grab her wand but was unable to because it was lying on the table. Severus noticed it and knew McGonagall would soon lose her patience.

"I'm very sorry, but I have to find a bird now, before it ruins the school!" he chuckled, and quickly ran into the kitchen where he head seen the bird fly towards. McGonagall started to yell and swear but Severus was already gone.

As soon as Snape entered the kitchen house-elves plagued him immediately. They kept offering him food and sweets, which he abruptly pushed away.

"Nothing, I can do this on my own." Severus said while pushing a sad-looking elf out of his way. Severus looked around and saw the bird sitting on some dishes. The bird stared at Severus and Severus stared back. Severus' anger grew and mounted until he drew his wand. He quickly shouted a spell at the bird. But the bird predicted the man's actions. He flew up into the darker areas of the ceiling.

The spell hit the dishes and they noisily burst. Severus swore and went after the bird. The bird attempted to fly out the door but it bumped into Filch.

"Filch, get that bird!" Severus yelled, and Filch grabbed the bird with one hand, determined not to let go. Severus evilly grinned and raised his wand, ready to blast the wings off the bird's body.

Maybe he just felt something terrible was going to happen--or Filch just squeezed him a little bit too hard--but the bird's eyes grew even bigger. The pathetic creature used all its power to bite Filch. The caretaker let out a groan of pain and let the bird go.

At the same moment Severus shouted the spell and Filch was blown away. His body was thrust to the wall. Severus stamped on the ground and continued chasing the bird. For some reason Severus thought the way the bird was very familiar with the layout of the school. It flew towards the dungeons.

Severus ran harder and by the time they had arrived at the dungeons he could almost touch the bird. He took a good breath and then jumped towards the fluffy ball with his arms stretched outward. Everything would have gone perfect if there hadn't been a table in the room that had several potions sitting on it. Severus leaped and caught the bird and smiled broadly. He realized he was still hanging in the air and heading straight for the table with potions sitting on it. He tried to stop but before he could place his feet on the ground, he bounced into the potions. The tumult wasn't as loud as Severus' yelling but it certainly was very loud.

Severus groaned as he tried to stand up. His face was covered with blisters and wounds. There was hardly anything material left to his robes. Embarrassed, he looked around, hoping no one was hanging around. He jumped up when he heard a dreamy voice from behind.

"Severus Snape in his underwear... Never thought I would be part of that."

Severus turned around to see Sybil Trelawney standing there.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Severus asked horrified. He knew Sybil had a crush on him and she, of all women, seeing him like this surely wasn't a good thing.

"This morning I looked into the future again, and guess what I saw, Severus."

Severus shivered. The way she said his name was _so_ scary. Then he remembered the reason of this embarrassing situation.

"The bird!" he shouted, looking around. "Where's the bird?!"

"I know where the bird is, Severus." Sybil said on her dreamy tone, staring at his wardrobe.

Severus, confused, followed her gaze and with a simple wave of his wand he opened the dresser. Nothing alive was in it, and he angrily looked at Sybil.

"I just wanted to know what kind of clothes you have, other than the black ones," she smiled, and walked to his wardrobe. Severus sighed but knew he could do nothing to let this woman go away. Nothing, except for…a spell? He raised his wand, but Sybil interrupted his concentration.

"You're underestimating me, Severus. Don't you understand I predicted this, this morning?"

Severus stared at her in a very disturbed way.

"I just wanted to get new robes," he sneered, and accio-ed them to him, and got himself dressed. He actually wanted to get Sybil out of his room but he had to sort out his priorities. He looked around and saw the bird flying out his room. Severus chased him to the third floor, and started to panic when the bird flew outside. He let out a yell of triumph while throwing himself out the window.He clung to the branch of a tree and lifted himself up so he was sitting on it. He climbed higher, to the top of the tree and saw the bird circling around it.

"Get down!" Severus shouted but the bird kept circling.

"Alright," Severus grinned. "Then, I'll get you down."

He drew his wand and yelled a spell that should make anyone who it was under its effect as heavy as rock. But because the bird was still moving and the fact that Severus wasn't very stable, he missed. Severus shot again and again and again; but they all missed. Well, not all of them. One hit… One of the spells hit Harry Potter, who was flying trough the air on his Firebolt.

Harry looked down to the ground that he was falling to at a very high speed. The boy let out a scream of terror. Some children who where standing on the ground quickly pointed to Harry and a few let out screams of astonishment. With a loud smack, the famous Harry Potter hit the ground. Within a few moments, children and teachers came running to the accident.

"IT WAS VOLDEMORT! I SAW HIM IN THE TREE!!" some stupid kid yelled while pointing at the tree that Severus was in. He quickly hid in the leaves and saw the bird flying to Hogwarts' highest tower. Not caring about what the others would think, Severus accio-ed Potter's Firebolt, and flew, much faster than the bird, to the tower. The bird was scared to death when he saw Severus waiting for him, and wanted to get away. Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough. With one hand, Severus plucked the bird out of the air. A feeling of victory rushed trough Severus' bones.

"Now I've got you!" he yelled hysterically. Tears started to form in the bird's eyes.

"You're not fooling me! So don't try to make me feel guilty!" Severus screamed, squeezing the bird. With his free hand, Snape grabbed his wand. He menacingly placed it on the bird's throat. He looked up to think of a very nasty spell but decided no spell would be terrible enough for this irritating bird. He walked down to his dungeons and locked the bird up in the best cage he had. Severus looked up a clock and noticed the time. He let out a small groan and decided he had better get to bed. After all, he did have classes to teach tomorrow.

"_I finally managed to get rid of the damned bird," Severus sighed. He walked to the teacher's room, and went to get some coffee. McGonagall was already standing by the coffee machine and Severus asked her to give him a cup, too. But when McGonagall turned around, he saw her head was really fluffy. It was yellow and with huge, blue eyes… Severus screamed, and ran out of the teacher's room. When he looked around he saw Sybil walking towards him. She had the same bird-head as McGonagall. Severus screamed again and wanted to run to his dungeons. He moved towards the door but was stopped by hundreds of thousands of things flying around him. It didn't took him long to realize; these were all the same yellow, fluffy birds! Hysterically, he waved his arms about and tried to get away from the masses of birds. When he finally arrived at his dungeons, he saw Sybil standing there. Suddenly, his robes were gone. He opened his wardrobe, wanting to get a new one. But there weren't any normal, black robes in it anymore. All of them were yellow and they had the heads of yellow, fluffy birds on them. Their huge, blue eyes pierced into his soul. Sybil laughed and out of fear Severus jumped out of the window. He landed on a tree and saw Harry Potter flying around on a yellow broomstick with cute, little wings. Severus loathed it and shot a laser beam at him. Harry fell and everybody cried._

"_IT WAS SNAPE! THERE HE IS!" Collin yelled, and pointed at Severus. Severus wanted to hide but suddenly the leaves fell off. There was nothing to hide behind. He jumped out of the tree, which wasn't a very good idea. All students and teachers encircled him. They had trapped him. He couldn't go anywhere. The people looked at him with very angry and scary faces. Severus was trapped. Trapped like a bird in a cage… _

With a scream Severus woke up, bathing in sweat. His heart beat very fast but he didn't take the time to cool down. He stood up and ran to the cage to unlock it. He looked into the huge, blue eyes of the fluffy, yellow bird, and picked him up. He dragged him out of the cage and walked to the window. With one motion he threw the bird out and it squeaked happily, flying up and down, but not letting Severus out his sight.

"Yeah, yeah," Severus sighed. "Just go, before I change my mind."

The bird squeaked again and to Severus' surprise he flew back to him. It landed in his hair. Severus almost had to vomit, but he restrained himself. He allowed the bird to stand on his head for a few moments. He tried his best not to move and succeeded. The bird fell asleep on his head. Not long after that, Severus himself fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up with a stiff neck. The bird was gone. Severus let out a relieved sigh and got himself dressed. When he walked to his classroom, he noticed students staring at him. Severus didn't know why they were staring. There wasn't an overactive bird flying around his head. On his way to the dungeons he deducted 20 points from various houses. During the lessons, students kept giggling. Severus was tired, and decided not to bother. But when he walked back to his office that midday and accidentally looked into a mirror. He screamed like he had never screamed before. His beautiful, black hair was full with yellow, fluffy feathers…..

I hope you enjoyed this story! I appreciate all of your reviews, but if you feel necessary to flame, then don't be a coward, and just sign in. One more surprise for you: I do not own any of the characters in this story, except for the yellow, fluffy bird with huge, blue eyes..

Special thanks to Mariana C, and Addi L. (Snowie), who beta-ed my story. Visit her site at /darkside/snowie/


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